I will never want someone more than they want me.

I will not be upset about boys for more than 24 hours.

If I keep telling myself these things, they will become truth.



(There are very absolute reasons why I don't date, now I remember what they all are.)

My, my, my...what crazy times these are. It never ceases to amaze me how randomly and out of nowhere things happen. Just when you think you have enough of things figured out that you just might be doing ok....here comes ______ and whoa! wait! not so much...

I'm not a relationship person, in fact, I wouldn't even say I've ever been in like a real one, but I've met someone, and I'm thinking its time to break that mold. Here's to hoping I only screw this up in a way that is cute instead of deal breaking.

...and so begins my new project: blogging at least once a week.

So, I have a theory, and it goes a little something like companies put crack in food so people will get addicted to said food and said company will make a shit ton of money and whatnot. I now believe this is also true about gourmet coffee. I ran out of free half-pounds at Caribou, so I bought some Folgers shit..whatever because I'm cheap and didn't want to spring for the Starbucks kind at Walmart. ANYWAY I made a pot of it this morning.....it was awful. Like...really awful. Clearly, I've been coked out and decieved by gourmet coffee companies. Goddamnit.

In other more serious news: anyone reading this probably knows that I'm very fond of being in the loop. I like knowing what's going on...being a part of the 'in' crowd...you know...that kind of thing. But I'm in a situation where I almost feel like I know too much. Knowledge can be a burden I guess, but disappointment is a bigger one.

I just don't understand why it's so hard for people to just do the right thing. Yeah, sometimes that's a blurry line, but a lot of times there is a very clear right choice, and very clear obvious and undesireable consequences for making the wrong choice...but people do it anyway. And then (I'm not emo, let me be clear, but Dashboard Confessional sums this up perfectly):
"How can you ask for forgiveness? Now you think your crimes are victimless..."

Ugh. Prayers...positive energy...happy thoughts for Winterset tonight. Enjoy the fireworks.

Things I learned this weekend:

1. I am twice as productive when I'm wearing a hood. And I am at least ten times more productive on Saturdays than on Sundays.

2. A bottle of beer placed in the freezer portion of my refridgerator will, in fact, freeze.

3. Norah Roberts movies on Lifetime are as lame as her books.

4. My remote starter will start my car from inside my room. Win.

5. Microwave brownies single handedly encompass everything that is good about the world.

Dilemma:

1)Keep double major in Political Science and Psychology, graduate in 2 years, go to grad school

2)Drop to a Political Science minor (because I don't really need the major), graduate in a year and a half, take a semester off, go to grad school.

What should I do with my life?

Dear Immune System,

Contrary to what you may have read in whatever magazines you subscribe to in there, human beings need air to breathe. So, I think it's ok for me to speak for the rest of my body when I say...

GET TO WORK! THIS SHIT ISN'T GOING TO CLEAR OUT BY ITSELF!

Kisses,
Emily

(I haven't written a good blog in a long time...but I wrote this last night, and for some reason I feel like it should be posted. So here you are.)

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans for it.”

And sometimes you make plans, and life gets in the way.
Today, very suddenly and unexpectedly, my mom’s horse had to be put down. Colic (which is apparently a horse death sentence). Mom and I were supposed to hang out…go to DesMo, shop..hang out, whatever. So she came home, said the horse looked kind of sick, called the vet who informed her that her horse was going to die, then a few hours later they killed it. Fucking out of nowhere.

I think in some ways it’s harder to lose a pet than a person. I’m not exactly sure why, maybe it’s that unconditional love thing, or maybe they’re just cuter. Andy said it’s because with people you know how to feel, and with animals you really don’t. Hard to say.

So now I’m trying to figure out how to feel. I’ve made it no secret that I don’t like horses. I think they’re big and smelly and kind of obnoxious. And they’ve brought nothing but trouble to my life. But that’s really beside the point right now. I feel bad for my mom, because she’s fucking devastated, as would be expected. And I wish I had some sort of idea what to say to make her feel better.

Instead of trying to figure it out though, I just left when my step dad got home. Some people can take pain like a punch in the face…I, however, run as far and as fast as I can.

Being in this house is killing me. The air feels like death, but it’s like I’m in this isolated bubble and it can’t touch me. I can’t really handle being so physically close to death yet so emotionally far away from it. I mean, am I even going to remember this in 5 years? This creature that my mom loved has died, and the universe didn’t even blink…did I?

A better person would have stayed. A good daughter would know what to say and how to feel and would maybe even be comforting. But that’s not what I did. Does that make me a bad person, a bad daughter?

The other horse is out there crying….and oddly enough, it’s breaking my heart. RIP.